I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
