I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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