He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
