eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
