Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize