Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
