there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
