I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
