So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
