He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize