How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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