Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
