I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
