My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
