u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
