my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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