im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
dude. I can hear the air.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize