OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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