I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They have beer where we have blood.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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