So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
