Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize