i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
