he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Two words: blizzard sex
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
