Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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