ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
