yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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