How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
