I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
