Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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