I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
