He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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