your thong is hanging out like whoa
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
