And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
