I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize