what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
