Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
