Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
