He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
