dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
