and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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