i already hear my dad disowning me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
sex in a hospital.. check
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
