hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
