Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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