ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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