now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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