So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize