So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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