I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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