Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
