i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
two words...techno handjob
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
