Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
