When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
