Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize