I could make wine with my vomit
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
