it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They took my balls.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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