I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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