YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
