he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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