He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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