We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
