I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
