a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize