i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
