Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
