And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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