Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
