Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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