Im at strip club and am horny
Do you still have your period?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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