Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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