Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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