Im at strip club and am horny
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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