I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize