i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
