dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
