Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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