I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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