Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
