i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
