no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
