i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
