I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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