I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
