I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize